Cancer sucks donkey nuts.........

So here is a picture of me and my dad when I was just an little tot...obviously!  A couple years back dad went through breast cancer...surgery...radiation...chemo...the whole deal.  And he made it through like a champ!  But as we all know too well that shit just doesn't go away!!  I believe they just buy you time with filling your body full of toxins!  Well we just recently learned that his cancer is back but this time it's in his bones and a spot on his lung.  So the long and short of it is ... stage 4...no chance of survival.  So...course of action in short is too keep him comfortable and he is taking chemo pills to I guess prolong things.  He had some trouble with the first round...ended up in the hospital with some serious "pooping" issues and just generally feeling like shit.  So he decided to give another round a try but if he is terribly ill like before he wasn't going to do any more.  So far this round is going well.  And actually he has decided to do one week on and then one week off to give himself a break.  He is doing pretty well considering everything.  He sleeps ALOT!  And has pretty much just been sitting around waiting for the boys to start playing football.  He seems to live just to watch the three kids play sports!!  So...two weeks away and he will at least have some games to go to!  Not too many but a few anyway!  Things don't really bother me until I see him sick...then the tears come.  I'm not use to seeing him be sick and weak.  That is certainly far from what he is and what I'm use to!  Most days however, I just live in denial...it's peaceful here!  I'm not sure what else you can do! My mother is ...well...kind of a scatterbrain and the whole thing has probably been worse for her than even for my dad.  He is a realist and he is just preparing...my mom on the other hand can barely function some days!  But like so many other people we will get through it all!  

Back at this because....well why not!  I enjoy looking back at it!  Anyway.... the best time of the year is officially over.  What season is that you ask?  Well...of course...baseball season.  Little League baseball season in particular!  I love love love to watch my little man play ball!  It is so much fun!  It helps that he's not too bad at it too!!!!  

Here is Brock with my parents, his sister and cousin Clint.  This was the first of the All Star games...and his first dinger (of this season....went on to have 3 more....one amazing one at the top of the 10th...yes 10th inning... LL games are only 6!)

Brocker during District play!!!  

And regular Little League!!!  The Blue Jays!

And here him pitching during travel ball!!!  Yes...we got to watch ALOT of games!!!  And that doesn't even cover Clints games!!!  

And here are my "dinger" boys....Clint had something like 16 this year...but it is his last year and he is basically a full grown man playing against some 9 year olds!!!  He is even the same height as me now...and I'm none too short!!!

So...here it goes!

Okay...so Friday I finished my 3rd week of Insanity.  I'm pretty frustrated since I now weigh what I did 9 months pregnant yet after 3 weeks of this craziness I have yet to lose even 1 pound and my measurements are the same!  Pretty much no change!  I'm sure it must be my eating habits although...I really don't eat THAT bad.  However...I am over 40 so I guess I must just realize that in order to lose any weight I suppose I must starve myself...and well...I don't exactly see that happening!  Anyway...here I am...after my 3 weeks!  I tried to get back at it this morning and well...for some reason I just couldn't get through the workout.  Maybe tomorrow!?  One of my biggest problems are actually my feet....man do they get to hurting...well...mainly my left arch.  I've tried 3 different pairs of shoes...not sure what to do except work through the pain!

Why yes...it's hard...not gonna lie!

Me and my sweet but crazy boy!!! 

 

Me and my darling girl...she is the wisest person I know.  She is quiet and shy but I think that is probably a good quality.  Although I would like for her to come out of her shell ... oh just a little more!  However, it keeps her from "girl drama"..which these days is HORRIBLE!  She doesn't even care to associate herself with people who make fun or are mean to others.  And seriously doesn't care what others think about her..(although it would hurt her to hear them say anything bad about her!!!)   I truly respect her for this quality.  It's funny how most would see her as weak when in fact she is the strongest person I know. 

The kids and I on my 24th birthday!!!  Thank you girly for putting the candles on the cake for me...you got it exactly right!!  24 is a good age! 

I was just looking through all my pics, etc. on this blog.  And it amazes me how quickly time has gone and how much I enjoy looking through here...not for anyone elses benefit ... just mine!  I also have realized that the only pictures in existence of myself are on here.  Which...I gotta say...are not that many.  I prefer to be the one taking the pictures and will literally argue with someone who tries to put me in a picture!  Ugh!  I look at myself in the mirror anymore and wonder who the hell is looking back at me.  My children will probably grow up and look back and wonder why mom was never around...when in fact it was always mom around and dad was always the one gone.  But when he is around I take a thousand pictures!  O'well!  I can't change the past but I am going to do my best to change the future!  Even though I look at myself and think...God.... could I be any fatter...could I be any uglier.... could I look any older....well ... of course the answer to that is ... YES...and it will happen eventually!!!  However...it is what it is...and I am who I am... and if I know anything is that my children love me more than anything and they don't really care what I look like so I need to take a few more pics of myself so they will have them for themselves later in life when I'm not around....hopefully much much much later... like when I'm 98!!!  :)

 

Catching up with some pics......

 

 

A few kids from my Sunday School class....it was an easy day...only 4 showed up!  Yay!  Cause seriously...can anyone really believe that I teach Sunday School.... 4th and 5th graders none the less!!!  They were desperate! 

 

My sweet Brocky D.

The kids with our new golden....Hank!!!  He has gotten so big already!

My beautiful girl....she is growing up WAY too fast for her mom!!!

Yep...there he is again... cutiest red-headed boy EVER!!!

Sweet Rae!

The kids with Bob.... our friend....we went to visit him at home.... yeah...you either think it's really funny or really sick.  The kids got a kick out of it though!!!  We love Bob!!!! 

O'yeah....no body gets by my girl!!!!

Brocky D.....my little touchdown makin machine!!!  He didn't want to play football.... Wowser...good thing he tried it...he's a natural!

Love these next two pics together...here.... he just must be saying..."I got him...I got him"...then...next one....

"nope...don't have him... guess I will just lay here with my face in the ground!"

Our friend Dick Tyson... before he heads home to make supper for his bride.

My sister and I decided last minute to go out and dress up for Halloween.  So we basically had to chose from whatever we could find left at Walmart.  We thought me as an angel and my sister as a devil would be appropriate.  Hence... our signs say... "mom's little angel" and "mom's little devil"...it's perfect for us! 

Our driver loved this view from the front.... "Jesus take the wheel".

Group photo!

Me and sis!

The devil made me do it! 

Cheesy smiles!

Well...we are knee deep into ball season.  This town is freaky crazy about their baseball/softball.... and I mean really CRAZY!!!  And let's just say some folks take it a little TOO serious!  However, I ... among most in this town have thrown my children to the wolves and they are both playing!  Brock is finally old enough to play minor league and boy has that been fun to watch!!!  His team so far is in 1st place and it's just so much fun to watch them play.  Brock is doing really great at baseball too...which for the mommy makes it SO much more fun...and alot less nerve racking!!!  Raegan's team is currently tied for 1st.  Raegan however doesn't see a lot of play time since this is her very first year in little league and she is on a really good team.  Funny...it's great to be on a winning team but when most of the players are good...it's not so great for someone who is just starting out...they don't see a lot of action.  This is not at all the team she wanted to be on but she apparently did too well in the tryouts and was picked before her friends dad  could get her picked!!  At least that made her feel good that she was picked in the first round!!  She could actually be a great player if she were just a little more confident in her abilities.  I think that will come along as she plays a little more.  At this point I'm just really hoping she doesn't want to stop playing....I see a lot of potential in her!!! 
Well... being that I'm now 41 years old and I still had not had a mammogram...I finally bit the bullet and went to get one.... I was just dreading it for some reason.  Well... all turned out great...no problems for me.  However, I just found today that strangely enough... the last person in my family that I thought would be diagnosed with breast cancer was just in fact diagnosed!!!  My mom...nope...sister...nope...aunt...nope....but yes...my dad!!!  I'm not overly worried just yet.  They have already removed a rather large malignant tumor and will go in probably next week and take the entire nipple and surrounding tissue and probably some lymph nodes and get those guys checked out...and I guess we go from there!  Hopefully those lymph nodes check out okay!  Anyway, I think he's pretty nervous and hopefully the surgery will go well.  It's always a little scary since he has COPD and breathing is such an issue.  Dang...that guy can't catch a break!  Anyway, I will be saying my prayers and hopefully all will turn out well!!! 

Wrestling match for my little Brocky D today.  He has only done this little wrestling camp at the school for the past few weeks so other than that he has had little to no instruction.  In fact, he even missed two nights of the camp.  Plus there are so many kids that it's hard to really feel like they learn too much....but they do have fun.  Well today Brock got a real taste of what wrestling is really like and BOY do these people take this stuff seriously.  This is a video of Brock's first match.  Which he did win without too much trouble.  I didn't get his second match recorded all the way ... most of it but after he got choked the first time I think I shut the camera off and didn't get it turned back on!  I was seriously impressed with the kid however!!!  Especially the second match...that kid was tough and had obviously had some major training.  Brock lost the match but by only seconds!  He really gave that kid a run for his money.  In fact, the kids family stopped us after and told Brock how great he did.  Not bad for a kid who has hardly done it before!  It was cute though...it was red-head against red-head!!!  Anyway...Brock ended up with a 2nd!!  Not too bad buddy!!!  Here's the first video... I may post what I have of the 2nd one depending on how long it takes this one to download!! 

Okay...well...your just gonna have to trust me on this one....can't get the silly thing to download.  O'well!!!  It was fun to watch!