Everything in my life basically revolves around my children. Quitting my job was seriously a "no-brainer". It was the exact right time to do it.... things at work were drastically changing... people leaving... new people coming in.... Brock had just been sick from meningitis and I still hadn't fully recovered from that one myself....and my husband is not a patient person and him getting the kids up and dressed every morning on his own just wasn't working out. Plus...add the fact that he is gone virtually ALL the time and my job was an hour away...well it just made sense to stay home. I don't regret that decision at all...it was the best thing for me and the best thing for the kids. I wouldn't take back the past 5 years for nothing. However, lately I've been feeling pretty lost. Lost and lonely. I don't have a huge group of friends to hang out with ... most of my "friends" were working friends. Plus.. I sit and wonder what on earth I'm going to do with myself when my kids are grown. It's such a tough spot to be in. I want something for myself...yet I'm stuck in this rotten tiny little town with virtually no opportunities while at the same time not wanting to go to far because my kids are still so active. My whole goal in life at this moment is to introduce my children to as many different things as possible. I loved my parents...don't get me wrong... (and mom please don't think I'm saying anything bad) but we were never really encouraged too terribly much to participate in activities. For me that is a regret in life... not playing certain sports...not doing certain things...not attempting really much of anything. Now for myself...I can't look back...the past is the past and no reason to dwell. For now...the satisfaction I receive from watching my kids succeed is such an overwhelming feeling. Every softball game I go to I'm on pins and needles...worried that Raegan won't do well. And her not necessarily being a natural athlete I worry!! Although...I think the one thing I've done right is encourage her.... I begged her to play minor league softball....just try it and if you don't like it
you don't have to do it again. Well...here she is...year two and loving it so much! And not just loving it...but really doing pretty well at it. I wouldn't say she is the best player around...but she is certainly not the worst...not by a long shot! Anyway...I guess my point is that it's just sometimes a bit of a struggle that most people don't really realize. Just "being home" makes you lose a part of yourself...your life is not really YOUR life anymore...it's all about doing everything for everyone else and it can sometimes make a person a bit on the sad side. Anyway...not sure exactly what I'm rambling about but even with the down times...I do suppose it's all worth it...and that's the perpective I need to keep! I think I'll just keep my very special mothers day card sitting here on my desk next to me all the time. That should help keep things in perpective! For it reads as follows...exactly as written...right or wrong: (the first line is all from Brock...I believe everything else is probably all from Raegan)
Mom,
I care about you even thow you sometimes get mad. The best thing I love about you is that you're always there for me.
Here's a list of things you did for us.
washed dishes
cleaned rooms
help us with homework
and theres alot more that we can't think of right now.
You're the nicest person I've ever seen. I'm so glad you're my mom. Thank you for everything you do. We will always love you. We love how you get to go on our field trips. I could never ask for a better mom than you. I bet you there are knun. I know you love me because you hug me and kiss me every day and night. I hope you have a good mother's day. I try my best to be my best everyday. You inspirer me everyday. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I hope you like the book. It is from our hearts. The end.
btw....I guess it was actually a book and not a card...either way I will cherish it forever! But maybe we need to work on a few spelling words! :)
Here's Rae playing her usual spot on 1st base.
Rae at Brock's skating party for his 7th birthday!!!
Rae and Allie!
Brock blowing out his candles!
The best gift ever...money!
My little buddy is a maniac on skates!
Brock doing his wrestling "thing"....here he just won his match!!! This was here in town....where he took 1st place....such the little stud!
This is at the Petersburg tournament....he took 2nd...which considering he really didn't know what he was doing I thought he did great! All those other kids had obviously had some training...Brock not so much!
This kid took him down!
This is about where Brock started to cry....he was getting choked and because he really hasn't had much instruction he couldn't figure out how to keep this kid from getting him around his neck....mom about cried too!!!! O'yes....I Raegan almost cried too.... even though he drives her nuts she sure does care about her brother!
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